


Power in My Hands

by firewolfsg



Series: Power verse [1]
Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Blackmail, Dubious Consent, M/M, Mind Rape, Non Consensual, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 03:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firewolfsg/pseuds/firewolfsg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takatori Reji has always coveted power. Until he learns, perhaps too late, that power has limitations...</p>
<p>Written November 2000</p>
            </blockquote>





	Power in My Hands

From the window in my office, I can look over the heart of the city and feel a satisfaction burning in me to know that a good portion of it is under my control. Power and control, that is all that is important in my life. The pursuit of it is why I strive so hard for the post of Prime Minister of Japan. It is the highest power of this country and I am determined to succeed where father gave up. He had a flagging interest in politics, but I see it as something electrifyingly invigorating. It would taste so sweet to have this power.

I turn away from the window and glance at my desk where a framed picture sits. My hand reaches over to pick it up as I take a seat and wait for my guest to arrive. I find my thoughts turning introspective as I ponder my current ambition. There are some detractors who would say that I should be a broken man, unfit to stand for the post of Prime Minister. 'How could I possibly be strong?' They would ask, listing the misfortunes that have dogged my trail this year. All brought about by my younger brother, no less. To add insult to the injury, he accomplished it using father's organisation, Kritiker, and with Weiß, his white hunters, under the direction of his bastard son.

My grip on the picture tightens as I rub a thumb over my brother's image. It should not have been like this. Father built Kritiker for the Takatori's. He is my brother. He should be supporting me, yet we snipe at each other like children. This-- all over the love of a woman... A whore who refused to live long enough to resolve the differences between brothers who were once close before she entered their lives. Tearing a congenial relationship asunder because of her presence.

Had I the trust, I would have made it clear to Schuuichi that I truly had no interest in the marriage. I had no inclination to love a woman. It was only duty to me. Had I the forewarning, I would have let Schuuichi have her. An alliance through the younger brother would have served its purpose just as well. So much the better if I could have passed on the duties of having children to my brother. Had I the insight, I would have realised her eyes were on another. I did not love her. Yet it hurt me greatly and in retrospect I know I acted badly with her bastard son. But I cannot turn back the clock anymore then I can take back the harsh words Schuuichi and I exchanged. I have little doubt that our feud grew out of this debacle.

However, if the truth is to be told, I do feel some sense of gratitude to my brother's assassins for their work in thinning the ranks of my associates. Like a surgeon, they have accomplished much in excising the cancerous cells, leaving me with the commendable and good. All without my having to use my own 'bodyguards' and having suspicion fall on me. I admit to being much relieved to learn of the demise of many that are on the lists of my brother's assassins. We may have formed alliances in our youth, but at this juncture, their association would have been a great embarrassment. In my bid for the position of Prime Minister, I could not have afforded to have in my ranks of supporters, monsters who would make a sport of the less fortunate. Yes, I would include in the list of monsters my two late sons.

Hirofumi... he grew into such a disappointment, so afraid and cowardly. Turning boredom into sport with his human hunting game. Masafumi... I would have been more inclined to overlook Masafumi's experiments, had he accomplished some good with his research. More the shame for the lives wasted that he was useless. So ended the progeny of the whore at the hands of my brother's white hunters. I don't regret their deaths. They were embarrassments I could live without.

This latest death though... Ouka. Ahh, my brother, I had thought your white hunters only targeted the guilty. What miscalculation allowed Ouka to die at their hands? She could not be more innocent. Her only guilt was to be born a bastard. Such irony it was that my one pride and joy was a little girl I could never publicly acknowledge. An illegitimate daughter... Born of a drunken night of debauchery and experimentation with my then lover and his wife. I remind myself to visit Shizuka to thank her for allowing me be Ouka's father. For staying my friend even after her husband left me. And for never thinking to embarrass me or even to ask anything of me, unlike her late husband.

The intercom on my desk buzzes, interrupting my musings. My secretary informs me of my guest's arrival so I put down the picture frame and turn towards the door in anticipation. I wonder if he may have passed Schwarz in the corridors on his way in? Would the German stare at him and realise that his mention of the man's name earlier as a member of Weiß, caused me to arrange for his presence? I can see little reason for Schuldig to miss the significance of my cessation in his punishment. It could have been far worse. I could have caved in his head with the Chipping Wedge for his involvement in Ouka's death. If I had applied just a bit more strength in my half swings at him and the Irish madman... Then, he blurted the name of the Weiß member who saw through his game with my-- nephew, and precipitated the events that killed Ouka. It was enough to halt my hand.

Did I arrange this meeting out for a desire of revenge, then? On a need to further vent my grief for a lost loved one on those who were responsible? I turn these questions in my mind, but dismiss them just as quickly. The young man I summoned would not have been party to an innocent girl's death. How ever much he has changed since we last met, I don't believe he could have discarded his gentle nature that easily.

I can feel my face turn into a frown as he enters, my mind irrelevantly recoiling at his fashion sense. Honestly, an orange sweater when he has red hair? I remember teasing him, years ago, over inheriting that regressive coloration, a testament to having an 'unwashed' gaijin in his family's noble heritage. He was certainly unique, a Japanese lad with red hair and lavender eyes... I always thought he was beautiful. He still is beautiful. I don't know how I missed recognising him when he first attacked me at that human chess event. I must not have been paying attention.

He comes in as far as the centre of the room before he speaks. "Where is my sister?"

I don't answer, instead taking my time to study him and try to pick out the changes that have come over him in the last two years. Stronger. I can see that he is definitely stronger with a new fluid grace to his movements. Stamped there, no doubt, with his mastery of the sword. He is so tightly controlled now. His face shows no expression, but I can feel the energy of his emotions surrounding him like a furnace, full of hate and fear.

"I wasn't aware that you returned from Sendai, Ran. So many months, and you couldn't pay me a visit?"

"I'm here now." He snarls, and I can easily guess that his thoughts are on the limousine I had left waiting for him outside the Magic Bus Hospital. I was not about to take a chance that he would decide on his own to come to me. The less time I allowed him to think of why I would take his sister from the hospital, the greater my psychological advantage over him.

"Where is she?"

"She is safe." His hand unconsciously twitches and I don't have to be a mind reader to guess that he wishes he had his katana in his hand right now. That was another consideration I had had over disallowing him the time to return to his abode. Unarmed and on 'enemy' ground, he knows better than to do anything rash.

"What do you want?"

"I told you two years ago." I can't help the bitterness behind my words.

Five years previously, I had my eye on him. Want and desire. I never thought I would feel so strongly of any man until I met Fujimiya's son. I had often laughed at Ouka's swinging obsessions with the bishonen appearing in her manga or the anime that she was so fond of. But until I met Fujimiya Ran I would never have believed such a being existed. I waited nearly three years before I approached him. Waited until he was well over the statutory age of acceptance, in the meantime becoming his friend and supporter. We were close once... Even now, the memory of his fearful rejection of my advances still hurts.

"You killed my parents... my sister is in a coma--"

"I was wrong, Ran. And I'm sorry for that. I acted in haste-- because I felt hurt by-- I was hurt..."

He's staring at me in disbelief. And I am myself surprised at the apology that sprung from my lips. But it is the truth. I had acted in anger without thought to the consequence. The accident was so easy to arrange when I had father's organisation in my hands. I had not taken seriously the power I wielded over the life and death of anyone I cared to exert control over. And the Fujimiya household was destroyed over a broken heart. 'Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.' I was such a mess two years ago. Enough that I let Schuuichi take complete control of father's organisation away from me, and use it to turn Fujimiya Ran into a killer to ultimately join Weiß. That I have to admit was my fault.

"I should have made the offer to help you with your sister all those years ago, Ran. She is well taken care of. You need not worry about hospital bills anymore."

He's shaking his head now, his confusion and fear showing plainly on his face. "What do you want?"

"Ran--"

He doesn't dare move away from me as I step closer. And part of me hurts to know that he thinks so badly of me to believe that I would use his sister as a hostage to his good behaviour. But my conscience also reminds me that I already crossed that line when I sent the limousine to wait for him. And the practical part of me whispers that I should further exploit his fears to press my advantage.

I want to assuage his worries. Let him know that I've arranged to send his sister to see doctors he could not have afforded, even with his assassin's pay. I want to assure him that she would never come to any harm from me. But the practical part of me reminds me again that I would not be believed. And that it would be tantamount to death at his hands if I let him think she will be safe regardless of what action he takes.

Rivers of tears begin to flow down his cheeks as I take his unresisting form into my arms in a hug. "Why-- Why-- can't you accept 'no'?"

I can feel the heat of anger pound in my heart again. I cannot accept 'no'. I have to acknowledge that I've been drunk on power for too long. I am far too used to having subordinates nod to me and give me an affirmative answer. But I would swear that I am not unreasonable. If the execution of a request were of ridiculous difficulty, I would change my mind. However, this...

I pull back to look into his tear bright eyes and raise a hand to let my fingers play with one of the momiage that hangs beside his face. I give him the only answer I have. "Because... I want you too much."

My mouth is devouring his in the next instance, my hands tearing at his ugly sweater, desperate to drag the offending clothing off him. In the space of minutes, I have him seated on my desk with not so much as a stitch of clothing on his pale form. He trembles under my gaze, too ashamed and afraid to lift his head to meet my eyes. I take my time to inspect the body that is laid bare before me and allow my fingers to lightly trace the lines of scars that now blemish his once perfect skin. Old bullet wounds, blade scars, shrapnel... Permanent evidence etched into his flesh of his last two years in a quiet war against the dark beasts, whom father set up Weiß to battle.

"Ran." I try to lift his chin to make him look at me. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Liar." His softly spoken words stab into my heart as effectively as any blade. I hold back my anger. I can understand his fear.

I could choose not to make my demands on him. I could choose to hold myself back until a time when I have gained his trust, but I am far too impatient. It has been over five years since I first set eyes on him and told myself that I would have him. I feel that I have waited long enough.

I take his face in my hands and kiss him forcefully, observing as I do so that he doesn't seem to understand what I am trying to do with my tongue. It is with a slight shock that I realise his innocence appeared to have survived intact despite his profession. And I resolve to be more careful since it looks as if this would be his first sexual experience.

*~*~*~*~*

I draw in a lungful of poison. Not caring that my doctors have told me countless times that smoking is not good for my health. If I listened to them about every little thing that was not good for me, no doubt I'd have to refrain from sex too since it would put a strain on my heart.

Fujimiya Ran lies curled on my desk in exhausted sleep. I suppose he wouldn't awaken for another few hours. I was not incorrect to guess that he was still a virgin and totally new to the feelings and sensations I was forcing on him. I had passed out too when I was first initiated into this licentiousness universe of sexual gratification.

Noticing the chill of the air conditioning, I move to cover him with my cum-splattered shirt. But the sight of him makes me hesitate. His face is relaxed in the sleep of innocence. Pale skin seemingly aglow with sweat, stomach and thighs splattered with our essence... I can feel my lust building a third time, but I firmly tell my body to take a rest, I've already had enough 'physical exertion for a Wednesday afternoon.

I let my eyes wander over his body and ponder whether I feel the same for him now as I did before I satisfied my need. Prudence tells me that I am being far too rash with this dalliance when it is so close to the elections. That I've risked too much today in exposing myself to the danger of being discovered in my office with a young man as a lover, and a reluctant lover at that. I should dispose of him now. Give Schwarz a call and have them remove him. I've had him and I've sated an appetite. I've never allowed previous lovers to have a hold over me before and he is no different. But... I-I don't want a one night stand. I want him, not just his body. I want him body and soul.

I cover him with the stained shirt and move my hand to his face. Letting my fingers play with the sweat soaked momiage that lies against his pale skin. My finger tips brush lightly over the tracks of tears that run down his cheeks. I feel that twinge within me again. I don't think he can understand how much it hurts me to see him crying. What right have I to claim any emotional pain for his tears? What right have I, as his subjugator, to any sympathy?

I hear a panicked buzz of the intercom as my secretary warns of my brother's approach without her leave. She is still apologising for not stopping him when the door to my office slams open.

What ever my brother had in mind to talk to me about must have disappeared the moment he sees me, standing nude in my office with Fujimiya on my desk. I doubt that he can mistake what recently transpired between us.

"Reiji--?" The disgust and shock in his countenance is plain to see. I smirk at him. Part of me is thankful that he is the one who entered and not a cohort of reporters. I file away a thought to call my HR department to have my secretary replaced with someone much more forceful. Perhaps adding a security guard at my door as well would be a prudent move.

Glancing from me and back to the sleeping form on the table, Schuuichi is at a total lost of words. I find myself amused by his revulsion and wonder if he was that thick to have been ignorant of my preferences after all this time.

I stop him before he can approach the desk. "Your white hunters caused Ouka's death, Schuuichi. An eye for an eye..."

*~*~*~*~*

White.

It is my opinion that Fujimiya Ran looks far better in white than he ever did in black. I think the stark contrast of black against his pale skin is far too harsh. I admit to being rather happy with his current choice of attire, but that should not be any surprise, given the shameful prices my tailors charge for their works of art. At the least, I have little to fear that he would select some bizarre colour that would painfully clash with his hair again.

It gives me a great deal of satisfaction to watch my little orchid now as he speaks animatedly to the microphone at the counsel. His sister smiles at him from the screen, telling him excitedly of America and the high school she has to attend before she can enter the Nursing college I've enrolled her into. Now and then, he steals a glance at me in wonder that I had remembered the rambling dreams of a young girl, and the efforts he had gone through to save enough money to fulfil her wishes.

My little orchid is reluctant to break the connection, but he feels the guilt that he has taken advantage of my kindness long enough with this call. I watch in interest as he turns towards me, still conflicted and confused by the rush of events I caused around him.

I have to admire Schuuichi for his persistence. He did try to 'rescue' Aya-chan from my care, guessing correctly that I had used her to get to this white hunter. But my little brother was far too late. He could not have known that at the time he burst in on me in my office, Aya-chan was already on her way to America by my private jet.

A Prime Minister carries much clout, so it was with great ease that I was able to arrange the best of medical care for an adopted daughter. Her awakening came fortuitously before Weiß broke through the defences of my mansion to try and retrieve Ran. Faced by my success, he could not leave me. Not especially when Weiß could not promise him that his sister would remain safe with his departure.

I had watched them, from behind the safety of the security cameras, leave like whipped dogs, despondent in their failure. Totally accepting and understanding of his reluctance to allow them to 'save' him. I cared not that it added more fuel to their hatred of me. Only a fool makes no enemies, or enemies that they cannot handle. Weiß and father's Kritiker... they are nothing. I recreated my own empire of control with Schwarz and the alliance I forged with Este. My silly brother still has yet to realise how much help he is actually giving me, by assigning Weiß missions to kill the sick and pervert among my associates. While I can guess that father is disappointed with his children's feuding, I know he also feels some pride that we are doing good in our own ways through our disparate organisations.

Kritiker cannot touch Aya-chan. As protocol dictates, she is well protected by diplomatic forces on foreign shores. As long as I fulfil my promise of fortnightly videoconferences, she has little reason to think that her brother is in any danger. Even should Schuuichi's agents chance to slip through the defences and get close to her, I doubt she will believe what they try to tell her about her sponsor and guardian. And as long as they do not have her, Ran will stay with me.

My little orchid is watching me now, expecting me to finally make my move. I've not touched him since the day I raped him in my office over a month ago. On my orders, Schwarz have stayed away from him as well. The German knows full well that I will kill him if he tries to play with Ran's mind. My strategy does not need the added complication of a malicious mind reader.

I hold out a hand to Ran and he takes it with only the slightest hesitation, allowing me to pull him up close until we stand almost chest-to-chest. "Little orchid, I'm not asking for-- forgiveness for the past. Is what I want from you so repulsive and awful?"

He blushes, and I know his thoughts must have flown back to the memory of our coupling on my desk. Despite the stains to the wood, I've kept it. What ever happens-- despite the situation that makes it stand as rape-- I cherish that memory. In spite of everything, it is still precious because it was his first time.

I lift his chin and let my lips touch his in a sweet kiss. The first I've given him since that fateful day. I can feel him freeze minutely at my touch before he makes himself relax, and I reflect over the power I wield over him. For his sister, he will do anything, even whore himself to keep her safe. And god help me, I cannot stop myself from taking advantage of this.

It is enough for me that he isn't trying to push me away. Enough that he lets me pull him into my room and seat him on my bed. Enough that he makes nary a sound of protest to my impatient removal of his clothes. It is...

It is still not consent. But I take what I am offered. No... he does not offer anything. I take what is presented to me.

*~*~*~*~*

I know I shouldn't smoke in bed. My father used to slap me upside the head while threatening me of dire results, should I be careless enough to drop my cigarette on the bed and set the sheets on fire. I take another drag before I stub out the cigarette in the ashtray on my bedside table and turn towards my little orchid lying beside me. He's pretending to be asleep, curled on the bed with his back to me. I know he tries very hard not to let me know when he cries. I wish I could somehow make him understand that I feel a deep pain inside when I see his tears... when I know I am the cause.

He lets me snake an arm around his waist and pull him over so that I can tuck his head under my chin. It takes a moment for him to understand that I only want to hold him before he settles down and relaxes. It hurts me to feel him like this. I know he is stronger than this. My brother made Fujimiya an assassin... a killer. Yet the way he has been with me since I brought him to my side... Contrary to his belief, I don't want a dispirited sex toy. I've been told that when a wild animal is caged, it slowly withers away and dies. That is what I feel is happening to him now.

Damn my own pride. Why couldn't I accept it when he first told me 'no'? The chain of events that lead to this sad state sprung from that 'no'. The death of the elder Fujimiyas... Schuuichi's seizure of Kritiker from my control... Ran's birth as an assassin... his involvement in Ouka's death...

As I reflect upon my recent actions, it is suddenly clear to me now that I am clinging to an ideal. In my climb to power, I have suffered too much pain caused by the many whom I once claimed as loved ones. A traitorous brother... a whorish wife... useless sons... a dead daughter... Fujimiya Ran... a boy who rejected me, and despite my rash efforts to destroy him and his family, miraculously survived.

He astounds me. In this world of selfish needs and wants, Fujimiya Ran was the first person that I had ever met who carried within him an altruistic desire for another's happiness and well-being. Even now, despite his transformation into an assassin, that selfless love for his sister never faded or changed. I cannot say that I have ever been so privileged as to be loved like that.

When I met Fujimiya Ran... I had wished-- I had wanted that love. It hurt, when he refused to give it to me. It hurt--

The feeling of an arm sliding over my waist surprises me enough to break my train of thought. I look down, amused to see my little orchid settled comfortably against me in his sleep. Snuggling up to me as if I were an oversized teddy bear. He shows such guileless innocence in his sleep, it deepens my feelings of guilt for allowing my pride to set into motion the events that turned a gentle natured boy into a killer.

Can I--? Have I some hope that patience and persistence will eventually win me his love? I know my options with him. But some of them... Letting him go, for one. No matter how effective it may be to win his trust, I cannot do that. Out 'there', it would be beyond my control to keep Schuuichi away from him. It would be too easy for Kritiker and Weiß to reach him and poison his mind against me. Too easy to fan flames of hatred for me. Too easy because of what I have done to him... Because I could not accept 'no'.

Since I cannot accept the consequences of releasing him from my control, I had given serious thought to another option. Empowerment. That is perhaps my only logical move. After all, I do have a need for a personal bodyguard who can be closer to me than I will ever allow Schwarz.

The irony of the solution nearly makes me laugh out loud. I am at the pinnacle of my strength and power, yet here I would place my life at the mercy of one who would have killed me had I not taken control of his sister's fate from him. Is this suicide? To put a sword in the hands of this young man and allow him in my proximity? Why would I want to take this risk? Because... it is the only way I know to show my little orchid that I am willing to give him my trust, and hope that he will reciprocate in kind.

A heart felt sigh escapes my lips as I think again about my selfish wants and needs. Without false modesty, I can claim to having had great success in business and politics. But love has always escaped me. I've seen my little orchid offer the kind of love I so greedily desire. I want him to offer it to me. But given how our lives stand, I don't know if that is ever remotely possible. I wonder if it can be enough that I have him by my side and that I just take advantage of the bounty of love he gives to his sister.

*~*~*~*~*

Masafumi's woman is waiting for my answer as I stand at the window and look down at the scene below. How ever busy I am with my political duties, I still make the time to watch my little orchid as he practises with the sword master I've engaged to train him. I am pleased with the progress he's made with the structure I arranged to expand his knowledge and abilities. He discharges his duties seriously and Crawford has assured me that my life would not be in danger with him. Outside of work though...

"You want his love. I can give it to you."

I observe her from the corner of my eye as I take my time to answer. She sounds anxious-- almost desperate. What funds Masafumi had left them must be running low for her to come to me. I turn the offer in my mind again as my attention returns to watching Ran perform. Swift... graceful... deadly... beautiful... The proposition is too tempting. The love I want in exchange for funding to resurrect their lord and master, my late son. Restore a life that's long fled its mortal coil. What a hopeless scheme. Still... I have money to 'waste'.

"Takatori-sama--"

"He is not to be harmed." I state firmly as I turn to look at the Hell-woman. "I don't want--" My eyes go immediately to the one called Tot, who is currently seated on the floor as she plays with her stuffed rabbit.

"Of course, Takatori-sama. The funding--"

"Is yours. But--" I pin her with my eyes making sure I have her full attention. "Harm one hair of his head..." I leave the threat hanging.

She knows better than to incur my wrath.

*~*~*~*~*

With each passing month, it becomes more difficult to hide my despondency as I watch the Fujimiya siblings chatter in their fortnightly conference. In the end, science could only do so much. To be fair, Masafumi's women accomplished what they promised. His memories of his time with Weiß have been totally erased. His hatred of me turned to love. But I feel that it is still a poor facsimile of my one great desire. He still cries when I take him, and he can't explain why. Despite everything that I have done for him and to him, he still holds back a part of himself. And try as I might, I cannot breach that wall.

The frustration within me grows. Every fortnight, I watch my little orchid on his videoconferencing sessions with his sister. I can feel that love and affection flow between them like a tangible force I would swear I could reach out and touch. I want to be a part of it, but I am still forever an outsider. Left out...

Every fortnight the urge to break what I cannot have grows. Every fortnight thoughts that his sister is my last barrier to reach his true heart, fester within me. Every fortnight-- my resolve-- my speculation of how he would feel if she is gone--

As I watch them, I wonder... If he has no one else but me, will he finally give me what I want?

*~*~*~*~*

Empty.

That is how he has been since his sister died in that car accident. Just-- empty.

I take a long drag on my fourth cigarette as I stare at the moon from my window. Behind me, my little orchid lies entwined in the sheets of our bed. His tears continue to soak the pillow as he cries in his sleep. And I have to recognise that there is nothing that I can do to ease the pain he carries with him.

I still have his devotion and loyalty, and the bit of love that allows me to take him to my bed, but he has not been the same. He now clings to me with a new desperation when we make love. There is a new hunger in him, aching for something he can't articulate. I don't understand and don't know how to guess what it is he wants. I haven't the slightest idea how to fulfil his need. All I am able to see to are his physical wants, but that's clearly not enough. There have been more tears, more disturbed quiet moments. His smiles have all but disappeared. I've been at loss of what to do.

I stub out the cigarette and return to the bed. He snuggles up to me, unconsciously reaching for the comfort I try to offer though I know it's not enough. As I breathe into the red hair under my chin, I find my thoughts returning to my actions in the weeks following Aya-chan's 'accident'. I was desperate enough to turn him over to Masafumi's women again, hoping that they could help me. I did not realised that they had other plans for him in relation to their efforts in resurrecting my son. And I knew even less of their vendetta against Weiß, or how my little orchid was involved in their attempt at payback. Crawford notified me of the danger, so I left it to his team to eliminate Masafumi's women and return my little orchid to me.

Since then, Weiß have guessed that I have difficulties with Ran. They became more active in trying to 'rescue' him. Crawford has already warned me that Weiß are starting to confuse Ran and challenge him over the gaps in his memories. I'd tried to pin his sister's death on Kritiker, but Weiß are close to convincing him of my duplicity. What more, I've discovered I cannot order Ran to kill Weiß. He has apparently always used the flat of his blade on them rather than the edge, and he cannot explain why. Crawford has cautioned me that Ran will turn on me in good time. For my own safety, I have to let Schwarz spend more time with my little orchid to make sure he stays under my control.

I feel Ran shifting uncomfortably and I belatedly realise that I had unconsciously tightened my hug around him. He settles back down when I ease my punishing grip. As I watch, a tear gathers at the edge of his eye and breaks free to roll down his face and onto my neck. It breaks my heart to see that even in sleep, his distress hasn't left him.

An image of the German's irritating smirk appears in my mind. The man isn't even interested in toying with Fujimiya's mind anymore. He's too amused by the tragedy I set into being. He took great delight in informing me that one of my brother's kittens has made it a personal mission to return my little orchid to their fold. Crawford confirmed to me that the man apparently lost a loved one to my son's manipulations and has expressed a determination not to lose another to a Takatori.

I can't stop the sigh that leaves my lips as I feel another tear fall on my neck. This is so pathetic... I am at the height of my power as the Prime Minister of Japan. And there is not one thing I can do to prevent my dreams for love from crumbling to pieces.

I should have left things well enough alone and accepted the limitations. My errors in judgement could not have been made clearer. I realise... that I had brought this 'doom' upon myself. That love I was so greedy to have... The one Fujimiya Ran bore for his sister. When she died-- the void that opened up... I didn't realise-- I can't-- I can't fill it. I feel totally-- I'm totally inadequate to fill that need. I don't know where to begin to try and replace that love. I don't even know if it's possible. And I-- see how hopeless I made things.

The three powers of Este will be in Japan by the end of this week. I make up my mind to give Fujimiya to them as they requested. They had wanted the sister since she'd have been easier to control, but that's out of the question now. They need a living being to offer to the 'god'. And Ran-- because of my mismanagement, he's become too much of a liability to me. There's no other decision I can reasonably make. Crawford had guessed as much. He was surprisingly kind when he told me that he'd be by in the late morning to collect Ran.

*~*~*~*~*

My doctor is going to be very disappointed with me. I've just gone through enough cigarettes to turn the air in my office smoky. I curse myself for my despondency as I light another cigarette. Today... this evening... Este will summon their god. I know that because they invited me to attend the ceremony, but I begged off. I don't-- I don't want to watch them as they--

I hate myself for feeling like this. Never before-- I had never allowed a lover to have such a hold over me before. I can feel tears gather in my eyes as the memory of my parting with Fujimiya Ran returns with a vengeance. The last words that my little orchid had said-- had screamed at me-- flash through my mind again. 'Takatori, Shi-ne!'

If memory serves me, those were also the words he used when he first attacked me at the human chess event. Fortunately, Crawford was there to intervene then as he was previously. He had known. He warned me earlier that my control was slipping. I just didn't realise how badly it had deteriorated. I can only guess that much of the influence must have come from the sword he was using. It wasn't the one I gave him and I have a suspicion that it was the sword he used to wield when he was with Weiß. I never did find out how that sword came into his possession.

I can't get his eyes out of my head. The way he looked at me then... the hatred... the pain... the utter devastation in his eyes... Seven days later, the memory of his struggles with Crawford still haunts me. He had tried so hard to kill himself rather then let Crawford take him prisoner. If Schuldig hadn't appeared and stolen his sword away... The German surprised me. He managed to calm Ran down before sending him into unconsciousness. I hadn't thought he had a shred of compassion in him... Or was there something else between them? I don't know anymore. They hurried out with Ran after that, not even stopping to talk to me after their timely save. That was the last I saw of Fujimiya, and of Schwarz for that matter. Seven days later... I still cannot forget him and move on.

I realise... I don't care to know what will happen after Este raises their god. I don't care about what it means to my current position as leader of this nation if another power arises. But-- I do worry about what is going to happen to Fujimiya Ran. I wonder if Schuuichi will act on the tip I 'accidentally' left for his secretary to discover. Would Weiß intercede in time? Would they be up to facing the three powers of Este and Schwarz to save their friend?

I stub out the cigarette in the overflowing ashtray and find my eyes being drawn to the ingrained stains on my desk. The memories they evoke make me sigh. I made such a mess of my life. I once thought power and control was all that was important in life. That with power I could accomplish everything... acquire anything I ever desired. So used, am I, to having this power and reacting with it... I now see too late that I was-- wrong to think like that. I was too greedy for something I had no idea how to earn.

From the window in my office, I can look over the heart of the city. And I know as I gaze over it that I control the heartbeat of this city. My reach of power as Prime Minister is incalculable. I have in my hands the power I had strived to achieve since the day father first introduced me to the taste of it. But... the flavour has soured.

I find it empty... this power I hold in my hands.

The End


End file.
